The past year and a half has been a roller coaster ride. It's largely due to our decision to become a foster family. That first month was an exhausting, but happy blur. I had no idea that I could love someone (apart from my bio children) before I even met them.
So, those first weeks after our recent placement were spent with me neglecting some things, sometimes even proper meals for myself. I was in a constant flurry of harried activity. There was another little person to care for, and we found ourselves back to diapers and bottles, and sleepless nights.
And the privacy our family had previously taken for granted- gone. Now the doorbell rang often, bringing visits from, caseworkers, licensing reps, attorneys. . . There were more visits to doctors and phone calls from this DCFS worker, and other state officials.
And of course, I still had to homeschool, make meals, keep up with the laundry, and keep a clean house. I could never take the chance that someone might find the house not up to speed.
Well, guess what? It simply is not possible to keep up such a momentum for an extended amount of time, and not find oneself sliding into exhaustion. And approaching burnout very quickly. That's when reality set in. I am not perfect. I do not have it altogether. And that's alright. People actually live in my house, and that means that there are piles, and laundry, and cheerios on the floor. You do what you can, but when you start neglecting yourself, and it sounds cliché, I know, it's a bad place to find yourself. I know it, because that's where I've been for too long.
You have to realize that you cannot, and will not, please everyone all of the time. I finally realized that lack of sleep, exercise, and lousy eating habits were catching up with me. Exhausted, crabby, I willed myself to put in that exercise DVD. And it was an act of the will. But now, I have a month behind me, and it's making a difference. I'm feeling and looking better. The eating habits still need tweaking, but are improving as well. I still need to get a bit more sleep, but I continue to move forward.
I'm getting better at not feeling the pressure to have everything just so for the caseworker. That's going to take a little more time. I'm such a people pleaser. No one ever said it would be easy, and it's true. But worth it.