It's not quite November yet, but I thought that I would get a jump on my Thanksgiving posts. I don't know what it was that brought the particular memory to my mind, but I was remembering a time in my early married days. We didn't have any kids at that point, and I recall wanting so much to be a stay at home mom. I had this idealized picture in my head as to what it would be like, but I just felt the desire to be a mother very strongly.
That dream would be much longer than I could anticipate then. That in itself is a post for another time. But eventually my prayers were answered in the way that I hoped that they would, and so here we are today. I am a stay at home, homeschooling mom. The house is usually in some sort of disarray, there are toys strewn here and there. It's noisy, it's sticky, and I can't even get a moment alone in the bathroom. I dream of sleep, which is ironic, because I can barely get enough sleep to actually dream.
Being in the midst of the general fatigue that comes with the way of life that we've chosen can cause me to forget that I asked for this, that I wanted this more than anything.
After a few days of particularly trying behavior from the kids, and just feeling overwhelmed with the ever present to do list, I remembered that time when I had none of this. My house was a lot cleaner. I had privacy. I could be a lot more spontaneous. If I needed to run to the store, it didn't involve packing up for a half hour first, and then wheeling around cranky and complaining kids.
I realized that I have forgotten to be thankful for this chaos. I forgot that these days, while seemingly endless some days, will pass more quickly than I think. Before I know it, I will have that privacy, and time to sleep in, and the freedom to go and do what I want, when I want. And I will miss this.
So, I will be more intentional and enjoy what I have, and the season of life that I am currently living. I will smile at the sticky spot on the floor. I'll take the time to sit on the couch and snuggle with a kid and a movie. I will remember that God gave these kids to me and I will be thankful and cherish that privilege.