Tuesday, December 18, 2012
I Blew It
I blew it. I was tired, I was done with the day, and I responded in a not so godly way with my kids tonight. And now here I sit, full of remorse, knowing that while I can apologize, I cannot take back that moment. Yuck.
It's a humbling thing to be confronted with your failures, especially when they present themselves in front of close family members. I can rationalize, or turn to other things to comfort me in my fatigue, crankiness, whatever the situation is, but it only masks the fact that I am a sinful human being, and this will not be the last time I fall.
This little episode has taken me off on a sort of personal rabbit trail, and I find myself wondering why I act the way I do. I'm reminded of the verse in Romans that talks about doing the very things that I don't want to do. As I reflect on this, I see how often I try to control every aspect, every detail of my daily life. It is as if by having everything just so, I can maintain the appearance of having it all together. The resulting anxiety, fatigue, and general crankiness tell me that it's all a smokescreen. I control nothing. And then, as the pressure builds, my house of cards comes fluttering down.
Where is the hope? Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory in Jesus Christ! He knows me, He formed me, He forgives me, and as I yield to Him, He will change me.
So, I fell, but I'm getting back up. I will keep running to Jesus. My prayer is that my kids will see that, and do the same as they face their own issues in life.